Jamie Dimon's bank whispers sweet nothings to Bitcoin ETFs he calls 'worthless'.

JPMorgan Chase, helmed by longtime crypto-skeptic CEO Jamie Dimon, disclosed nearly $1 billion in crypto-linked holdings in its latest quarterly regulatory filing. The bank's portfolio includes major stakes in spot Bitcoin ETFs from BlackRock, Grayscale, and Bitwise, a 36% increased position in Michael Saylor's Strategy, and shares of Coinbase, Robinhood, and Bitcoin miners.

The filing is a snapshot of positions held to facilitate client trades or hedge risks, not necessarily a bullish bet from the bank itself. This means Dimon's bank is deeply enmeshed in the crypto market it publicly derides, creating a classic Wall Street 'do as I say, not as I do' moment. The takeaway: When profits are on the line, even the loudest critics quietly open their wallets.